is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
