Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
