Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
