i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
