one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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