so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
