She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
