Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
