I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
