I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
