I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
