new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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