toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
