I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
