85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
