it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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