You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
