i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
