Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
