So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
