Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
