please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I looked at my own cervix.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
