my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
