Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
