I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
