If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
