you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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