I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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