She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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