Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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