I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
