could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
