Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
