Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
