mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
