He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
