Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we're making bets on your personal life
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
