Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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