so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
