fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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