let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
