They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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