I just pynch a tree in the face
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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