So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
