fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no, he came in my armpit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
