and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
