saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
