if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
