dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
