Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
