I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
