you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
