i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
