Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
