Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
