No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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