btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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