apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
